My Mom died 20 months ago today. She was my closest confidant, my cheerleader, my advisor – my ROCK.
Grief has dragged my heart through the depths of despair; I questioned if life will ever feel meaningful or whole again. I had phases where dark and heavy thoughts invaded my mind, making it difficult to feel any joy or enthusiasm for all the goodness in my life.
I was fully aware at the time that I would eventually flow through these states of negativity. I could see there was light at the end of the tunnel, but just didn’t know how to get there. I learned to let myself be guided rather than trying to forcefully forge a path.
And then just an intensely, I had breakthroughs that lifted me to new heights after each low, as if I were in a rainbow-coloured hot air balloon that kept rising up to the infinite possibilities in this life.
When I am in that beautiful balloon, I am full of motivation, energy and joy. I fully take advantage of that drive to move projects forward, to appreciate the everyday with my family and to tend to meaningful friendships. I refocus on health and put more soul into my yoga and meditation practice.
That is, until something shifts again and I find myself back in choppy waters.
This dance between extremes has become my new normal, and I am oddly okay with that. I am okay with crying, okay with feeling immense gratitude, okay with putting myself out there and okay with retreating.
Everyone is struggling with something, no matter how big or small, how old the scar or how new.
Imagine if instead of only sharing the shiniest parts of our lives, we could inspire and support others by being authentic, open and imperfect? Imagine if when we met people we changed our response to “how are you” from the standard “good/fine” to “things are shitty today”. Imagine if instead of receiving pity or unsolicited advice, we received words of empathy or just a heartwarming hug?
Today was a shitty day. But tomorrow is another chance to wake up and see the sunshine through fresh eyes.
Michelle Borner, a mom on 23 missions, blogs about her Deep Thoughts on a wide range of topics from parenting to conscious living to lessons from brain cancer.
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